“Around a year ago I had one of the worst years of my life. I experienced a lot of death and broken trust. I felt like I was worthless.” – Molly
It often seems that there are years or months or weeks where a never-ending barrage of circumstances pound you with loss, disappointment, frustration, and failure. Sometimes these circumstances are massively devastating and outside of your control, such as the sudden loss of a family member. Other times they seem to originate in the very core of who you are, a cycle of failure to meet the expectations of who you desire to (or are told you should) be.
And it’s crippling, isn’t it? To feel that you can’t escape, that you’re powerless to change what is going on around you. Or that you are powerless against yourself, worthless in the battle for your soul.
This is where I found myself in 2016. This is where Molly found herself in 2018. But, with a change of scenery, the Lord also brought a change of perspective.
“I was told by God to leave everyone I know. So I did. Coming to Glorieta was terrifying, but I am so thankful for the experience because I have never felt so close to God. I was able to make great friendships and be vulnerable with the people around me. I was able to teach and impact the lives of kids. I came back home with worth.” — Molly
God knows just what we need
God supplies what we need to look beyond ourselves and the seemingly endless burden of living in a world still infected by sin, to see the bigger picture. For Molly, it was the chance to be authentic with the people around her, and invest in the lives of elementary-age campers. Her eyes were opened to the fact that the circumstances of her life did not determine her worth.
For me, the Lord also used working at camp to show that I had a choice every day, every 5 minutes, to choose how to live in the midst of my failures, frustrations, and the weight of what was happening around me. It’s easy to make a snarky remark to a coworker when they keep getting lost on trail. Or to fall back into gluttony. It’s easy, even justified, to disengage with campers when you find out that your cousin has passed away suddenly and your sister just lost another baby.
It’s easy to feel like you have nothing to contribute.
But I had been given this gift of new identity, being a new creation that wasn’t trapped in my circumstances. The door was wide open, but so often I would stay inside that cage, determined to find my own way out and prove that I could overcome, that I was capable and worthy of God’s favor. I failed every time. And yet He had already chosen to give me favor. My worth was tied up in the worth of Jesus, and I couldn’t escape it!
“I encourage you, if you feel like you are worthless, you are not.” — Molly
The Lord alone, who formed us and knows us better than we know ourselves, has assigned us worth and determined that we have an eternal purpose. You may decide if you use it, but you cannot get rid of it!
You are not worthless.
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